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Me: 27.04.2021 Meine liebliche sexy süße kleine Muse!   You surely remember that I was always reluctant to go to Germany begging for documents. I still want them to come to me begging for pardon. Therefore, the idea to go to Germany was a kind of horror to me! When I had to leave my flat, my cellar, I first didn’t know where to go and what to do. I wandered around aimlessly with the hope that something would happen. I spent some nights outside, the end of January was rather mild, I was lucky. Then, my phone (by now, the number has expired) rang and Adam the rich called to tell me that there was a wooden house without running water and electricity somewhere in the forest near Budapest which I could use without disturbing anyone. (Remember! I didn’t want to take money from him, so he tried to help me otherwise.) I was very happy and went straight there. When I arrived, I cleaned the house. It was very small but had a sleeping and good fireplace. So, I collected a lot of wood, made a big fire, took one of my books out of my rucksack and began to read. The next day, I went to the nearest shop and bought a lot of food. I thought that with the money I still had, I could survive a whole year like that waiting for the situation in the world to calm down. Almost a month went by, and me, I must admit, I was happy reading, doing some sports exercise every day and forgetting the world around me. Then one day, Adam came around to inform me that he had found a good place for me to stay. And that’s where I am at the moment. It’s a kind of camping-motel with a restaurant. Every day, I work for several hours in the kitchen there (I know that you don’t like the profession of a cook, even more that I’m just a kind of helping worker there, a kind of kitchen boy). Although I’m not paid for the work but I can eat as much as I want (so I don’t have to spend money on food), I don’t have a room for myself but at least a bed. For the owner, it’s a good deal because he has a workforce for free and me, I have lodging and food for free. As long as he doesn’t kick me out, I can live there very well and for free rather happily. The economic situation is quite bad for a lot of people, so I think I must be content with what I have there. As I’ve already told you, you don’t have to worry about me. My biggest problem, however, is that I don’t have internet access there and can only write to you from time to time.   Meine liebliche sexy süße kleine Muse! I think we should be patient and wait, maybe even one or two years, until the situation has normalized and then we will be able to meet tranquilly and I can come to Poland with you.   My thoughts are always with you! I love you!   P.S.: I’m writing this in a word file and when I will have the possibility of access to the internet, I only have to copy-paste it.

Krystina: 29.04.2021 It means that you are still in Hungary.  My Heart is crying about your situation.  Thanks God,  if exists, that Adam takes care of you. He is real friend. I am not patients person but i need to wait and I believe that some day we will meet.  I hug you very strongly 😘❤️😘

Me: 02.05.2021 Meine liebliche sexy süße kleine Muse!   Please, don’t worry so much about me! Of course, the situation is deplorable but not only for me. There are many people suffering from the health and economic crisis. Only those, who are close to the state, or here in Hungary close to Orbán Viktor, are really well off! The most important thing at the moment is to survive and wait for better times. Thirty-five years ago, when I left Germany for good, I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I managed to get through. And so, I will get through now as well. Of course, it’s not easy to be a rebel at any cost but I can’t act otherwise. Either the state or me have gone too far. And now, about positive things: Spring has begun and it’s getting warm. I feel a bit like when I was nineteen years old and lived in the southern Spanish mountains. I had no money but I had a whole valley just for myself. It was a period in my life when I had to find myself again, I had to think who I was and what I wanted. I lived in that valley for three month all alone and I enjoyed it. I didn’t know at that time that I was living in a kind of paradise. Could you imagine being with me in a valley, only the two of us, for some time? It was just before the raining season and everything was dry and grey. Then, for three weeks, it rained every day and all day long. I sat in my cave like a prehistoric man with a big campfire to warm me and to cook. After three weeks, the rain stopped as suddenly as it had begun and some days later, everything was green and full of flowers. However, then, I needed civilisation again and left the valley. Today, I’m much more relaxed and can wait for better times to come.   Meine liebliche sexy süße kleine Muse! Although we can’t talk every morning via Skype anymore, I got the impression that we are closer to each other than before. When you lay down your head on your pillow, imagine it’s on my chest moving slightly up and down as I breathe!

Krystina: 04.05.2021 It was really very stressful

Me: 04.05.2021 Meine liebliche sexy süße kleine Muse!   There aren’t too many people around me and those, who are there, are not the most educated ones. Of course, it’s a bit like working in a factory. Normally, it’s people hardly having been to school. It’s not really fun to talk to them because I have to explain them nearly everything. If I weren’t so full of muscles, they would just shout me down. Probably, they think that I have come from another world. Academic knowledge is not worth much in these circles, it make one different from the others. And of course, they are all right-wingers hating Gypsies, Jewish, migrants and so on, even if they are half-Gypsies themselves or not much wealthier than those. It’s a bit like a hundred years ago. These people are not aware of being used. For nearly 30 years, I had lived among academics teaching languages and I had forgotten that the majority of the people is uneducated. The break-through came when I showed them how to box and now, they often ask me to tell them some of my knowledge, especially history. Then, they sit around me like children around their grandpa waiting to be told an evening fairy tale. To be a right-winger doesn't just mean an ideology, it's a mentality, a way of life, and being with people like that is quite exhausting. In their eyes, you are either a master, teacher, leader or otherwise a subordinate, a relationship on the same level for both sides is not possible. What are the reasons for that? A right-winger basically has an underdeveloped personality with a lot of inferiority complexes and submissiveness suppresses any kind of creativity in him. They either follow you blindly or want to throw you from your throne, on which you actually don't have the feeling that you are sitting. Nevertheless, I enjoy it here. It’s a bit of a “Jesus-with-his-apostles-feeling”!   Meine liebliche sexy süße kleine Muse! Was this a kind of filming in a studio? In the end, you will get very famous! Come into my arms and lay your head on my chest!

Me: 07.05.2021 Meine liebliche sexy süße kleine Muse!   A group of young people sits around me, and I talk about my voyages, sometimes a bit like Sindbad, but of course not quite as fantastic. Does the audience notice when I’m exaggerating or even playing things down? Especially the first 10 years, from 18 to 28 years old, are interesting for them. At times it sounds like an action movie. However, the advice I can give is not from this era. These adventurous years only formed the basis for what later became the conclusions. What happened was mostly very simple and at that time only had the effect of a shock or surprise on me, the real understanding came much later. How many times, for example, had I received a slap in the face where I merely noticed that a certain type of person or situation could have unpleasant effects on body and mind. But why I received this treatment often only became clear to me much later. On the one hand, because in my eyes it was unjustified, and on the other hand, because it often only served to suppress the complex of inferiority of the hitting person by the humiliation of the slapped person. Today I face exactly those big, fat, effeminate people, but now they are afraid of me. They only recognize that I could be dangerous to them, but they do not understand why I’m fighting them. They are still at the level of a teenager. But have I really learned it myself? I try to be fair, but can't always tame my anger enough. Often I have to think a lot why something is happening, and in later, similar situations, I will then be able to react appropriately. But when the unexpected happens, it often provokes an inappropriate response in me. Especially the small ones around me see in me a kind of hero and have no idea how many doubts and uncertainties are hidden behind this calm. On the other hand, of course, I enjoy being recognized and trusted. I deliberately take the side of the small ones (if you want to be big, stand next to the small ones.), who of course all hide when things get tough and only reappear when the air is clear again. The greatest doubts come to me when I ask myself, with what right I’m doing it. Of course, it is seldom possible to give a satisfactory answer to this almost philosophical question. Or why don't these small ones all stick together? Then they would not need a big one or a leader. They lack self-esteem. Both the oppressor and the oppressed actually come from the same brood. If they were the big, they would likely be as merciless as their oppressors would. They aren't a bit better than the others. Is it all senseless? What makes me go on? And then, is the recognition of such people worth it?   Meine liebliche sexy süße kleine Muse! A bit of my everyday thoughts. However, most I think of you!

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